Nerd Dating: What to talk about on your first date pt 2
OK, you’ve let her blab for an hour or so, and a novice dater will let her go all night and think they are doing well. The problem is, after any date most women get together with a friend or two and go into play-by-play analysis, kind of like one of those post game shows you see after sporting events but actually more like a live vivisection. They will go into every nuance and detail. She might have enjoyed the date while she was talking the whole time but will come to the conclusion that “He was easy to talk to, but I still don’t know a lot about him. I wonder what is is hiding?”
Women are naturally suspicious of men in most circumstances, and honestly unless you look like Brad Pitt they are looking for any excuse to drop you like a bad habit (Fight Club image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). I have said dating is like moving across a mine field, and in many ways it is, but I also see your date as occasionally chucking grenades at you. Not in a malicious, actually-trying-to-kill-you sort of way, but more if you aren’t paying attention you will get blown up pretty bad.
So you are now required to tell her something about yourself. The best thing you can do is try to boil your life down into some amusing, self-depreciating anecdotes. Tell her about where you grew up (as a rule, try to make it sound as much like Mayberry as possible. You will seem cooler coming from bucolic small town America than some kid growing up on the gritty streets. The weird part is she will want you to seem kind of gritty and street wise, but in general I have found that women don’t like to hear about a gritty and street wise childhood), your family (whom you love a lot, but who all have humorous habits that drive you crazy, making it OK to only talk to them once in a while, except your mom, whom you speak with at least a couple times a week), your job (which you enjoy and are upbeat about, but are looking to move up to something else. Be specific), the neighborhood you live in (more on that in a second), and your friends.
I want to get into more in depth on each of these little sub-topics, but for this one lets discuss the neighborhood you live in. No matter how you spin it, it will fall into one of three basic categories in her mind: bland suburban hell hole, urban ghetto, or upper class whatever. If it is an upper class neighborhood than no spin is necessary. She will be duly impressed. Of course, if you live in one of those areas I don’t know why you are even reading this. You should be getting hooked up on a regular basis with that kind of scratch.
So how to spin the other two types of neighborhoods to seem less lame or dangerous? If you live in the suburbs you need to emphasis how close to the nearest decent metropolis and how much time you actually spend there. Go ahead and lie about it, as odds are unless she lives in the metropolis she will lie about how she spends every weekend in the city rather than cruising strip malls out in Antioch. Talk about how you used to live in the urban environment (anywhere. You must have lived in a big city at some point in your life) and got tired of the traffic/crime/phony people. The only really good excuse for living in the suburbs is if you bought a house out there, but if you don’t own then do your best.
If you live in the city odds are it is a crappy neighborhood (mine is). This is bad in that many women don’t like to feel like they are in any kind of danger, so be sure to not tell any stories about the crack dealer across the street or how many cars were burned in the last set of riots. Instead, play up all the wonderful cultural experiences available just around the corner. Be it ethnic food, a local club, an independent theater that shows artsy films, or a non-Starbucks coffee house decorated to look like the inside of an alien spaceship (this was a place I used to frequent in Los Angeles. They made great peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches. If you haven’t tried one I highly recommend them), make sure you talk about how cool it is and how often you can be found there.
That’s really the best you can do. Just know that either living situation has it’s down points for most women and try to ameliorate the damage. Also, know that most women will be inclined to prefer one of the other, and inevitably you will live in the wrong one. Thus is the nature of dating life.
More topics later.
