We’re the Millers Movie Review
Miller Time is Fun Time.
I’d love to say I came up with the idea of using Miller Time as a joke for this review but the film actually did their own Miller Time joke. In fact it fit in so seamlessly I’d be willing to bet the movie title came about as a result of the joke being written. Sort of an egg being born before the chicken. Anyway, this movie was a lot of fun and I found myself laughing my ass off, something of a rare occurrence given the deluge of bad comedy that I am force to operate in every day. It was certainly more funny and entertaining than the other family based movie I reviewed this week, the Family.
(I’d also like to claim creative credit on doing these two movies back to back as sort of a family movie theme week but actually my best friend Dave suggested it when I asked him which film he’d like to see me review next. Thanks Dave, and yes he is a real human being not my imaginary friend or alternate personality. Sometimes best friends can have the same name).
So this movie is the story of a guy who hires a stripper and two local teenage losers to pretend to be his family. Based on my ongoing date success (got another “let’s be friends” speech tonight. B- for originality, C- for sincerity, and A+ for timing) this actually sounds like a viable plan, and certainly less painful than to keep putting myself through the darkened corridor of whirling knives and groin height kicking machines known as dating. I suppose I could have picked up on the fact that she wasn’t that interested in my when she spent a lot of time with her eyes drawn to the television, but I just hoped she was an avid baseball fan. Also, my amazing powers of perception of human motivation seem to go blind whenever an attractive girl is involved. There’s probably a deep seated psychological reason behind it, but that is a deep dark pit I really don’t want to go spelunking in.
So Meet the Millers. I have to say really impressive. Rated R comedies are tricky beasts, and writing them can be like wrestling with an octopus. Too often the “humor” is lowered to the 2nd grade bathroom level and all pretense of cleverness or good story is left to rot on the vine (cough cough the Change Up cough cough). This one is more like a good Melissa McCarthy film in that the rated R humor is a tool to enhance the humor rather than the decrepit three legged mule that is supposed to drag the entire movie.
On the other hand, if I had the president of New Line Cinema’s home phone number I would probably make an obnoxious call right at dinnertime to bitch about the fact that we have a rated R comedy who’s main female character is a stripper yet somehow have not a single frame of actual female nudity. I’m not asking to see Jennifer Aniston nude (well, actually I am and have been for about 19 years, but I need to stay realistic) but can’t they find some other girl or two to run around topless in the club? Hell, the managed to find an excuse to show some nudity in Riddick, and that film had no (known) strippers in it. Having your film earn an R rating for “crude sexual content, pervasive language, drug material and brief graphic nudity” and then have the brief graphic nudity be grossly deformed man genitalia should be a crime punishable by being beaten with a garden hose while force to watch Gigli, the Garbage Pail Kids Movie, and Battlefield Earth (Dutch angles a-go-go!) back to back.
On a related note, rated R comedy film makers please understand there is nothing remotely appealing or funny about a mans frank and beans. Can we call a moratorium on showing it? In my experience even people who like man junk don’t like looking at it, whereas even people who don’t like women like looking at breasts. And to those of you who accuse me of maintaining a double standard I say shut up.
So the story. David Clark (Jason Sudeikis-Horrible Bosses, the Campaign, SNL) is a small time pot dealer. He lives in a building with his super hot neighbor Rose (Jennifer Aniston-Friends, Office Space, the Iron Giant) who works as a stripper. He has a goofy kid Kenny (Will Poulter-Wild Bill, the Chronicles of Narnia; the Voyage of the Dawn Treader) as another neighbor and a runaway girl Casey (Emma Roberts-Aquamarine, Nancy Drew, Wild Child) as a homeless street rat in the neighborhood. The two of them get David robbed by some local jerks, taking all his pot and money.
This gets him into trouble with his hilarious boss Brad (Ed Helms-the Office, the Hangover, the Lorax), a very preppy yet sociopathic villain done Ed Helms style. Brad tells David the only way out of the money he now owes is to run down to Mexico and pick up some pot. David is understandably nervous about smuggling drugs across the border and figures out the clever scheme of looking like typical Midwestern dork family. To that end he hires Rose, Kenny, and Casey to be his family.
The group crosses over the border in their giant rented RV and arrive at the local drug kingpin’s stronghold. There they meet local muscle One-Eye (that’s how he’s credited. Matthew Willig-Year One, the Benchwarmers, the Employer) who fills their RV from stem to stern with giant bricks of pot. They leave but it turns out Brad was actually stealing the pot and when the real kingpin shows up (Tomer Sisley-Sleepless Night, the Heir Apparent, the Burma Conspiracy) he and the muscle tear off after the Millers.
At that point it’s National Lampoons Vacation mixed with the Road Warrior and the Hitcher. Honestly the story isn’t that critical and merely serves as a vehicle for some really funny situations (actually the story is pretty damned predictable for most of the film). 
The group meets up with the Fitzgeralds (Nick Offerman-Parks and Rec, 21 Jump Street, Sin City; Kathryn Hahn-How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Step Brothers, Anchorman; and super cute Molly C. Quinn-Castle, Finding Hope, Hansel and Gretel get Baked. Parks and Rec image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirt category) who are salt of the earth types (with a secret). Rose has to prove she’s a stripper, Kenny has a really tragic accident, and Casey meets the lowest human being in the history of the human race.
The stars:
Really, really funny. I was laughing out loud frequently and with gusto. Two stars. All the acting and characterization was brilliant. I thought Jennifer Aniston and David Clark were particularly good. One star. I love Ed Helms as a preppy bad guy. One star. The story made sense, in that at no point did any of the characters do something blatantly stupid to pull the audience out of the film experience. One star. The scenes involving Jennifer Aniston in her stripper clothes were about as amazing as you can imagine. She has a great physique and appears to like to show it off. Plus the other two girls were pretty hot too. One star. There were some running gags that seemed to really flow naturally. Overall well written. One star. In general a fun movie experience. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes:
The story will not be winning a Nobel Peace Prize for Originality. If you have ever seen any Cheech and Chong and/or Vacation movies you should have the whole thing down already. One black hole. Stripper + Rated R movie + no actual nudity = one black hole. I’m going to ding them one more time for showing us a particularly painful scene (from a straight male who loves his own genitalia perspective) not once but twice. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of six stars, a very good score. Should you see it? Yes, if you like to laugh, don’t mind some blue humor, and want to see Jennifer Aniston dance around a stripper pole. This film is worth your time and money. Date movie? Sure. In spite of what it appears to be on the surface this film has a weird, wholesome quality that might trigger your date’s sex drive or something (although really, based on my success rate what do I know? Take her to see the Evil Dead for all I actually understand about women. Hell, take her to a local dog fight. You honestly couldn’t fail more doing that than I do trying to do all the right things). Bathroom break? There isn’t a lot here I would want to miss. Each scene has something funny in it. On the other hand it’s 110 minutes so you might need a break. I’d say there’s a scene towards the end where Casey is on her date with the worst human ever (you will know what I mean) that’s fairly low in priority. Hurry though.
Thanks for reading. No real plans this weekend so I should be able to see at least two films. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Feel free to post comments about this film or my review here, and if you have an off topic question or suggestion email me at [email protected]. Have a great day.
Dave
Goodbye James Gandolfini
I and pretty much everyone I know was saddened to learn of the death of James Gandolfini, or as he was more popularly know, Tony Soprano. Everyone loved that show (Bada Bing image courtesy of the TV show t shirt category) and his character. It can be said he was typecast and it would be true, but I think he was smart enough to understand where his strength was and embrace it.
I, however, remember him for several other roles. I loved him as General Miller in In the Loop (where he ended the film with one of the best lines ever), and will always remember him kindly for being one of the scariest movie character ever in True Romance (where he beats seven kinds of hell out of Patricia Arquette). He was great in Get Shorty, creepy as hell in 8mm, and hilarious in the Incredible Burt Wonderstone. His talent and sense of humor were tremendous.
I hate having to write these and can honestly say I will miss him. Seeing him in any film was always a sign that regardless of what else was going on in the film at least his part I was going to enjoy. Farewell to an awesome character actor.
Dave
This is the End Review
Pretty freaking funny.
It has been something of a golden period in movies for the last couple weeks. Man of Steel, the Internship, and Now You See Me I quite enjoyed, and even the Hangover Part 3 didn’t make my stomach churn. Now this film made me laugh my ass off, lulling me into a pleasant state of movie complacency with no danger at all of Hollywood using my lulled sense of movie danger to deliver a swift film kick straight to the groinal area.
What’s that on the horizon? Grown Ups 2? Better make sure my cup is positioned correctly.
So snide predictions aside, I really enjoyed this film. I am not a stoner and yet I still really enjoy Seth Rogen films (except Green Hornet, of course), which tells me his comedy transcends the drug humor that it is based on. If you have any kind of sense of humor you will laugh, if only at the self depreciation played at the expense of Hollywood stars. Showing celebrities as shallow, self indulgent, drug and alcohol addicted horrible people may just be terribly accurate but it’s also hilarious, especially when they all get a biblical comeuppance. 
I have to give massive props to all the stars of this film for being willing to play themselves so tongue-in-cheek, especially Channing Tatum and Michael Cera (George-Michael image courtesy of the TV Show T-Shirts). I will have to give them each a notch up when it comes time to review their next films (of course since Channing Tatum’s next film is White House Down, yet another terrorists-take-over-the-White-House movie, he is already deep in the red zone).
This movie was strange in that I couldn’t really decide which character I liked the best. I am a Seth Rogen (Superbad, Pineapple Express, Green Hornet) fan and he was great, and his co-protagonist Jay Baruchel (Tropic Thunder, Million Dollar Baby, Knocked Up) was also great, but they were each occluded by the secondary characters. James Franco (Oz the Great and Powerful, Spider Man 2, 127 Hours) was awesome, Jonah Hill (Moneyball, Superbad, 21 Jump Street) was hilarious, and Craig Robinson (The Office, Peeples, Hot Tub Time Machine) was the perfect straight man. If I had to pick one it would have to be bad guy Danny McBride (Eastbound and Down, Your Highness, Up in the Air), who ended the movie in the coolest way possible for a bad guy.
I am not a terribly religious person, and if you are or are not I am not sure how you might take this movie. If you are very religious you might find the message of Armageddon to be a good thing and hopefully inspiring to the unbelievers. On the other hand you might be annoyed at the fairly loose requirements for getting into Heaven. If you are not religious the whole message may sit ill with you. However, I submit that in any of these cases you lack the sense of humor to enjoy the film regardless.
The story starts off with Jay Baruchel arriving in LA to visit with old friend Seth Rogen. They go to his place to spend the day smoking pot and playing video games. Seth cajoles Jay into attending a party at James Franco’s place. The party is everything you ever imagined shallow Hollywood types indulging in, plus 3. While the two are out buying smokes the rapture occurs, with all the good people lifted up into Heaven on blue beams of light while all the bad people (they never go so far as to use the word sinner) stay around and the world more or less blows up. They run back to the house to discover that no one at the party noticed. Apparently none of them were eligible for Heaven, as telling a statement as to what Seth Rogen and co-writer Evan Goldberg think about Hollywood as you can find.
A giant fire filled sinkhole opens up in the lawn and sucks most of the party guests down. Seth, Jay, James, Craig, and Johan barricade themselves in the house. Next morning they discover Danny was passed out in the bathtub when he wakes up and eats most of their food.
At that point it becomes Survivor: Satanic Apocalypse. There are some great moments as the crew has to figure out how to find food and water, do a lot more drugs, and deal with Hellish demons. At one point Emma Watson shows up looking super cute (I feel really creepy saying that, by the way. Last time I saw her she was Hermione in Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the Perks of Being a Wallflower, My Week with Marilyn) but gets the wrong idea about the crew and steals all their water. They have to cast out Danny McBride after he abuses their water and food (he later shows up even more awesome that before). They discover that redemption is still possible, but it’s not quite as easy as saying sorry.
The stars.
Really, really funny. Two stars. I appreciate the self deprivation and social commentary. One star. Getting some of those stars to do what could readily be construed as not the most favorable roles image-wise must have taken some work. One star. The main characters are clearly real life friends, and the chemistry on the screen is palpable. One star. Pacing was excellent. Movie felt just long enough. One star. All the characters were great. One star. Overall a fun time. One star. Total: eight stars.
The black holes.
The whole Biblical message could put both groups off equally. One black hole. Rated R for language, concept, and swinging male demon meat while not throwing the heterosexual (and lesbian) audience members anything is another waste of potential. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A grand total of six stars. Really fun, really worth seeing. If you happen to be a stoner I predict you will own a copy and find it even more hilarious when you indulge in your medicinal substances (“Ow my glaucoma!”). Date movie? Meh. If your girl is a stoner sure but honestly this is a dudes film. See it with your bros. Bathroom break? Nothing really stands out as being worthless. The argument leading up to Emma Watson leaving could be missed pretty readily, but it’s pretty funny nevertheless. Try to hurry.
Thanks for reading. I’m excited to see World War Z this weekend. Look for that review soon. I have a couple old films I never got around to reviewing I might do up this week. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review feel free to leave them here. If you have off topic questions or suggestions email them to [email protected]. Have a great day.
Dave
G.I. Joe Retaliation 3D Review
A Real American Zero.
So walking into the film I chatted a bit with a theater manager I know from having seen pretty much every movie they have shown for the last two years and he said of G.I. Joe “Terrible. Almost so bad it’s good.” The tragic part was after I watched it I realized the operative part of that statement was the word almost. For a movie to be so bad it’s good (Plan 9, the Room, Battlefield Earth) there is a certain required amateur flavor to it. If a film is terrible but kind of looks like it was filmed on a cheap VHS, or the blood looks like Kool Aid, or the monster looks like John Travolta in a rubber suit part of the appeal is imagining that the film makers get it and are in on the joke. While this may or may not be true you really can’t appreciate the Rocky Horror Picture Show without thinking that you are on the inside of a big movie prank.
When a movie is highly polished with flawless camera work and CGI but is still terrible all you have left is the terrible. Good recent examples of this include Green Lantern and Jack and Jill and now, unfortunately, G.I. Joe Retaliation. Not that this movie is on that level of awful (i.e. so bad you wish the local sewer main would burst open and drop you into the fetid darkness rather than keep watching). Some of it is actually entertaining in the typical Hollywood-any-movie-with-enough-guns-and-bombs-in-it-doesn’t-need-a-story sort of way. It’s just that as bad as the film is it’s too polished to qualify in the so-bad-it’s-good category.
Another problem plaguing this film is it is the sequel to another less than stellar movie. The first G.I. Joe movie was lame and riddled with plot holes (for the record ice floats in water. It specifically does not sink to the bottom of the ocean and crush underwater Cobra bases). This film might have been a great chance to reinvent the franchise TWOK style but instead they just ran the concept through worn out gears of the Hollywood movie grinder and came out with this dross. I will say they managed to keep the feel of the actual cartoon slightly better for most of this movie, but I’d bet something like 80% of the cartoons had better, more original stories.
I would like to ask a question important to anyone who is interested in world domination (like me) and that is what kind of recruitment program does Cobra have? I was watching a fight scene with a bunch of red ninjas and dozens of them were throwing themselves off cliffs and into the swords of clearly superior adversaries in the advancement of the Cobra Commander agenda. What kind of incentive could Cobra have to get the kind of loyalty needed to convince guys to use swords when guns are literally all over the place and go suicide zip lining to the same death that just killed the last 10 guys who did it? A huge pot of gold? A piece of the true cross? Mila Kunis’ home phone number? Later on the Cobra tech crew is happily killing millions of innocent people as a demonstration of Cobra’s new weapon and I couldn’t help but think “Do none of these guys have families or a conscious?” They just nuked (sort of) the entire city of London and killed millions of civilians and not one of them thought to raise his hand and say “Have we really explored all non-mega-murder options in our pursuit of world domination?”
When you see a lot of movies you tend to notice stupid trends. As soon as you hear about a move about an asteroid destroying the planet you can count on four other films that will all have asteroids, dramatic climate changes, or just Mayan predictions destroying the world in the same six month time period. This is good evidence that most of Hollywood is comprised of cockroaches feeding on each others filth (at least as far as creativity goes) and G.I. Joe has fallen into that sinkhole. The story is about a terrorist organization taking over the White House and using the President to destroy nuclear weapons. Geez, didn’t we just see Olympus has Fallen? There’s some other White House related film coming out soon (White House Down, which is completely, totally a different title than Olympus has Fallen) so I’m giving this film a D- for originality. Also, given the amount of security surrounding the President and the known competence of the Secret Service the very idea of someone just “taking over” has to be extremely well portrayed or else the whole concept will be ludicrous.
Ludicrous is a good word to describe a lot of this movie. Do the writers really think that the leaders of the nuclear powers go to a summit and carry with them their launch briefcases, or that all the nuclear weapons the USA and all the rest of the countries have can be self destructed with the touch of a single button in the same exact briefcase? What if the President were suffering from a bad insulin reaction on launch day and just flipped the wrong switch? Also, science called and wanted me to tell you that while a tungsten rod shot from space would hit really hard it would have to be either freaking huge or going insanely fast to do the kind of damages shown. F=MA (Force, Mass, Acceleration) you hack writers.
Anyway, the story. Someone has assassinated the leader of Pakistan and it’s up to G.I. Joe to go in and capture nuclear weapons before they go rogue. While shooting a bunch of hapless Pakistanis it is established that the President (Jonathan Pryce-Brazil, Tomorrow Never Dies, Pirates of the Caribbean) has been replaced by Zartan (Arnold Vosloo-Blood Diamond, the Mummy, Chuck) who is using nanobot technology to change his appearance in a special effect so lifted from X-Men you can almost see the suture scars. There is some stuff beforehand establishing that shortest man character ever Duke (Channing Tatum-the Vow, Magic Mike, 21 Jump Street) and Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson-Snitch, Journey 2: Mysterious Island, Fast Five) are like best friends. Zartan calls in an airstrike and kills all of the Joes except for Roadblock, Flint (D.J. Cotrona-Venom, Windfall, Dear John), and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki-Red Dawn, Friday Night Lights, Legion).
The three make it back to the US somehow (I guess they found a plane or something?) and try to hook up with Snake Eyes, who is off doing his own sub plot with Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee-the Good, the Bad, the Weird, I Saw the Devil). Cobra Commander and Destro are in some kind of suspended animation prison so Storm Shadow pretends to be Snake Eyes, kills the Pakistani leader to get this thing going, and gets captured so he can find out where they are being held. They escape with the help of Firefly (Ray Stevenson-Book of Eli, Thor, Punisher War Zone) and some exploding-butt mechanical fire flies. For some reason Cobra Commander leaves Destro in the hoosegow. I guess they figured the movie was already too rich in excellent G.I. Joe characters.
The story kind of jumbles together. Somehow the Secret Service are again incompetent morons and all it takes to get next to the President is a single phone call from some drunk guy. The three Joe’s hook up with their former commander General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis-Die Hard, the Sixth Sense, Pulp Fiction) and try to prove the President is an imposter. They discover his secret Cobra plot (destroy the worlds nuclear weapons then blackmail all the governments with a space based kinetic energy weapon). The Joe’s go against astronomical odds and kill a ton of Cobra guys. Stuff gets blown up, guys get killed (maybe), and other guys get beat up. The end.
The stars:
For some inexplicable reason I like Dwayne Johnson. I guess I think he has a good sense of humor and is the kind of guy I could grab a beer with. One star. The movie stayed more true to the original cartoon and with the exception of the exploding butt flies and a couple other things didn’t stray too far into sci fi fantasy land like the last one did. One star. The girl was pretty easy on the eyes and managed to find an excuse to wear the most amazing hot pants in the history of shorts. One star. I keep saying this for bad action movies but if all you want is mindless violence this film has you covered. One star. Some of the action was pretty entertaining in a stupid way. One star. I can’t say the film was a total waste of time. One star. Total: six stars.
The black holes:
If you are a fan of good stories, plot twists, or the narrative process don’t watch this film with any sharp objects nearby. One black hole. Some pretty impressive plot holes, and that whole “how do you motivate guys to commit mass murder” question. One black hole. 
This might sound petty but as a fan of the cartoon I am really pissed they wrote Destro out of the movie. To me Cobra Commander was always more of a comic relief than anything else and Destro was the coolest Cobra (Cobra Commander image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirts). Could they not find a bald guy willing to wear silver spray paint? One black hole. Once again a movie showing the US Secret Service to be the short bus riders of protection. If you want to see a movie that shows them as cool and competent watch In the Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood. One black hole. What sci fi they added to the movie all kind of bugged me. Giant explosions from tiny little robots, motorcycles that break up into guided missiles, and the tungsten rail gun thing (if you can see the rod moving it’s not traveling fast enough to do a lot of damage). One black hole. I could literally see the PG-13 rating dragging the action down like an anchor, and a lot of it got super dumb. One black hole. The Bruce Willis character felt really forced in, like a fifth wisdom tooth you never had removed. One black hole. The whole Storm Shadow/Snake Eyes sub plot was out of place, and if you had not seen the first movie or were not a fan of the cartoon you would not have had any idea what the hell was going on. Plus a couple other sub plots that went nowhere and added nothing. One black hole. The real issue for me here is G.I. Joe was always about teamwork and in this movie they killed off most of the team and created four (five if you count Bruce Willis) individual action heroes. G.I. Joe was never about a single guy (or girl). One black hole. Total: nine black holes.
So a grand total of three black holes. Not great, but still entertaining if you go expecting the right things. What bugs me is as a fan of G.I. Joe it would not have taken a lot to make me happy. I honestly think it was a mistake to cast big names like Bruce or Dwayne. Oh, well. See it if you are a fan or just want to be entertained by guns and explosions. Date movie? Not at all. More girls have watched Star Trek in their lives than a G.I. Joe cartoon, and you will lose massive credibility. Bathroom break? The scene towards the end when they are planning the big attack on the peace summit (why does that sentence amuse me?) is a pretty good place. The film seems longer than it’s 110 minutes (I almost gave them a hole for bad pacing but it wasn’t horrible) so you will probably need it.
Thanks for reading. More to see this weekend including the Evil Dead. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Post comments on this movie or my review here. Off topic question or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. If you get a chance check out Harbinger Wars, a comic by the people at a publishing company called Valiant. I met them at Wonder Con and they seemed cool. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone Review
90% a good movie.
This is one of those tragic films that seems to have all the elements of being a great film but somehow manages to just miss the mark. It has funny elements for sure, and the cast is stunning, but the sum of the parts of this film just felt like less than the individual values of them.
I saw it last night and have been trying to put my thumb on what the issue really is. It could be that the director, Don Scardino, really only has TV credits to his name. 
He directed a bunch of episodes of 30 Rock, and that’s kind of what this film felt like; a three part episode of 30 Rock (30 Rock image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirts). Clever lines, funny characters, and running jokes that are all ha ha funny but not bust your gut funny. Some of the elements border on genius, but most of it is that special kind of comedy that graces the pages of the New Yorker magazine where you are more or less obligated to admit that the joke is intellectually funny but doesn’t actually do anything to tickle your funny bone.
I will say the cast and acting was impressive as all hell. Everything you have ever loved about Steve Carrell, Steve Buscemi, and Jim Carrey is displayed in force here, and the best scenes are the interactions between the three. The rest of the supporting cast also knocked it out of the park. All around an A+ for the performers.
The story is of Vegas magicians Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell-the Office, Crazy, Stupid Love, the 40 Year Old Virgin) and Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi-Fargo, Resevoir Dogs, the Big Lebowski) as they get tired of their act and each other. They start off as best friends in grade school but by the end are treating it like a mediocre job they don’t want to do. Meanwhile street musician Steve Grey (Jim Carrey-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Truman Show, Dumb and Dumber) is edging out their act by doing Chris Angel style stunts such as holding his urine for 12 days. Burt and Anton have a falling out as they try to do something as difficult and go their separate ways. Burt more or less fails out of show business and end up entertaining retirees at an old age home.
There he meets his youth idol Rance Holloway (Alan Arkin-Argo, Little Miss Sunshine, Edward Scissorhands) who helps re-ignite his old passion for magic. He goes back to the basics and puts together an act with Anton and his former assistant Jane (Olivia Wilde-Tron:Legacy, In Time, the Change Up. Weird. I wouldn’t have thought I did three full reviews for her movies. Too bad they all kind of sucked since I kind of like her) to go head to head with nemesis Grey. Magic happens, but nothing that would surprise you.
The stars. Overall excellent cast and acting. If you are a fan of any of the actors in this film you will see them displayed in their best light. Three stars. There were parts that were really funny, especially the scenes between Carrell and Buscemi. One star. I don’t usually go in for this sort of thing but I have to give the makeup people special props. They managed to make all the characters look significantly different from what you are used to seeing, and the work they did with Alan Arkin was brilliant. One star. The scene shot for the beginning of the credits was funnier than the entirety of the film. Don’t rush to leave your seat. One star. Generally a fun movie all around. One star. Total: seven stars.
The black holes. The film story was predictable, and generally borrowed heavily (including the main character) from any Will Ferrel you want to name except Stranger than Fiction. One black hole. A lot of the humor didn’t really strike a chord with the audience (except for at the end). It was like hearing a joke you didn’t get and then having the joker explain it to you. Eventually you throw a courtesy laugh to get him to shut up but the moment has passed. One black hole. The romance sub plot between Carrell and Wilde was really tacked on and had no meaning or relevance. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of four stars. Yes, I enjoyed it and believe you will as well. However, a year from now I sincerely doubt anyone not cursed with my stupid incredible memory for bad movie plots will really remember this film. It will just pass by and five years from now when your girlfriend picks it out as something to watch you will remember having seen it after the first 10 minutes. Date movie? Sure, no harm here. It is cute and funny with very little to offend her. Mostly harmless. Bathroom break? The scene where Carrell and Wilde start making out after planning their big number is pretty worthless. There isn’t a scene in this film that missing it will damage your understanding, so feel free to go whenever.
Thanks for reading. I’ll try to see something tomorrow night after a scheduled round of Warhammer ETC practice (if you know what that is cool. If you don’t explaining will serve no purpose). Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Post comments on this review or the film here, and if you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected].
Dave
Mythbusters is looking for zombies? There’s no way this can be anything less than awesome.
So a friend of mine sent me a link to a casting call for people who like to dress up as zombies to try out for an episode of the great show Mythbusters, filmed right here in the Bay Area (Reject Your Reality image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirts). The notice is calling for people willing to show up in camera ready zombie attire with makeup. They need to have full range of movement, including head and torso and need to be able to don helmets or torso padding. Given how cool both zombies and this show are, my mind is spinning as to what zombie myth they plan to test.
When you think about it, due to the fact that they want you to show up in zombie drag they probably aren’t trying to create zombies out of people. I doubt they want to test the whole shoot zombies in the head to kill them either, since that works pretty well for living humans too. Could they be testing to see if a human can outrun a massive herd of shambling humans? The helmet and torso padding mention is throwing me too. Maybe they are training dogs to attach zombie heads? I am totally confused.
If any of you try out and get in let me know what they are working on. I am dying of curiosity. If you can’t talk about it for press reasons I will keep it secret until the episode comes out, but I kind of have to know. Given the massive font of creative cos play and zombie love that is here in the Bay Area they should be getting some of the best zombies this side of the Walking Dead.
If you are interested in participating check out their zombie application form. Good luck, and if you do it I hope you have a blast.
Dave
Djanjo Unchained Review
A good/bad film you might just love/hate.
I saw this the other night and did enjoy it. However, I am truly a Tarantino fan boy and have a deep appreciation of his particular style of good/bad movie making. He writes intriguing characters and situations better than anyone else, and then delivers them without any excess dross to gum up the movie experience. However, he has a deep appreciation of camp that, for someone who thinks camp is a sign of bad movie making, can really hurt the film for the wrong person.
The good news is that, camp aside every part of this film is more or less flawlessly executed. The acting is all around brilliant, the story very interesting (think good comic book origin story without the super powers), and the camera work perfect. In all ways an extremely good example of what filming should be about.
Of course, if I am going to review this film I should address the elephant in the room, the prolific use of the dreaded “N” word. I will say it was used with great frequency. It first it was off putting, then it started to sound a lot like a three year old learning a dirty word and yelling out incessantly, but by the end of the movie I started to see what (I believe) Tarantino was going for with this. You see, this movie more than anything else tries to show the cruelty and dehumanization of the slave trade in the Antebellum South (albeit in a remarkably cartoonish, over the top style. Something of Quentin’s signature, I guess). If you feel you have not felt enough guilt in your life for being Caucasian this film will help you with that. The point is the N word is used with such frequency and in such a workaday manner that it really help illustrate how ingrained and natural the racism really was (and some might say, still is). The characters in this film used it the ease and natural cadence as one today would use the word man or woman, and that successfully drove the racism point home with all the subtlety of a machete used for brain surgery.
It wouldn’t be one of my reviews if I didn’t find something to bitch about, and fortunately there is stuff for me to latch on to. The plot Django and Dr. Schultz cook up by the end of the film to buy Django’s wife out of slavery is needlessly complicated and outright stupid. The whole time they were crafting this elaborate ruse I was thinking “Couldn’t they have just ridden up to the house and offered a large sum of money?” That’s pretty much what I would have done. A lot of time is spent setting things up, which in a lesser movie I would have called plodding and slow paced. Also, while I really liked the Dr. Schultz and Calvin Candie characters, I felt the Django character was really simple and two dimensional. He spend most of the film as a moving plot point with guns. No real depth to him.
Spoilers coming up, so if you want to avoid them skip ahead five paragraphs.
The story is of young Django (Jamie Foxx-Miami Vice, Law Abiding Citizen, Horrible Bosses. I couldn’t find an image of Jamie Foxx as Detective Tubbs, but this great image comes courtesy of the TV Show T Shirt category), a slave in the South two years prior to the Civil War. He is on a coffle traveling somewhere under the control of two with trash morons when they come across the wagon of Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz-Inglorious Basterds, Water for Elephants, Carnage), a wandering dentist and bounty hunter. Schultz wants Django to help him identify three bounties. He frees Django and the rest of the coffle (with the first of many rated R bloodbaths) and sets off after the guys.
Schultz determines that Django has a talent for bounty hunting and offers him a job helping out for the winter, after which he will help to find Django’s wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington-Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Last King of Scotland, Ray, and hopefully one day staring as the bride at my future wedding. What a heartbreaker). After a colorful montage of bounty hunting scenes they hare off to find Broomhilda. In short order they determine that she has been bought by Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio-Titanic, Inception, Shutter Island), one of the wealthiest landowners in Mississippi. He is not by nature written as a cruel man (relative to the others around him) and is in his own way a very intriguing character, although some of his actions during the film really put me off my feed.
At this point IMO the story falls off the rails for a while. Rather than ride up to the Candie Manor and offer $1,000 for a slave Candie paid $300 for they develop this amazing long and complicated plot to trick Candie out of her. I swear it made the Usual Suspects look like Legally Blonde. They are posing as investors in some kind of slave fight arena (think a more horrible version of dog fighting, if that is possible) and want to spend a ton of money buying one of Candie’s best fighters. Somehow they are going to get Broomhilda for tuppence during the course of this facade.
This plot is ruined by Candies clever head house slave Steven (played brilliantly by Samuel L Jackson-Pulp Fiction, the Incredibles, Jackie Brown. We won’t talk about his Mace Windu years) and instead of getting her for the $1,000 they could probably have gotten going they spend $12,000 on her. At that point the deal falls apart mainly due to Schultz being unable to shake Candie’s hand and the whole movie ends in a huge bloodbath.
The stars. Good film in almost all regards. One black hole. A film that for the first time in a long time takes on something more complicated than the usual dross. One star. All the stars were brilliant, and their characters really intriguing. Three stars. Dialog was spot on. One star. Nice message delivered to America. One star. All around fun movie. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes. Needlessly complicated end plot. One black hole. Run time seemed long at 165 minutes. A stronger hand on the editing would have tightened things up a lot I think. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
By the way, I spotted what I think is a huge technical error but Tarantino is such an accomplished filmmaker I can only assume he did it on purpose. In one of the gunfights towards the end all the guys stop shooting and you can here a brass casing bounce off the ground like you do in pretty much 100% of all modern gun fights. The thing is they were all using revolvers, which don’t eject brass. I supposed an argument could be made that it was a repeating rifle, but that wasn’t really developed until 1860 and this film took place in 1858. Either Tarantino is having a laugh at it, or he should fire his Foley editor. (This last passage is conclusive proof that I am a nerd, BTW)
A total of seven stars, and a big thumbs up from me. I’d put this move on the same level as Inglorious Basterds, but not as good as Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. Definitely worth seeing, and if you want to have fun see it like I did in a theater that was literally 99% liberal white people and watch them squirm at all the racial abuse going on the screen. Date movie? Probably not. Violent and gory, and there is a dog mauling scene that will ruin canines for you for life. Bathroom break? The best part IMO is the long ride they all take out to Candieland. I’d say from the moment Schultz joins Candie on the buggy you have a good 3-4 minutes of not a lot happening.
Thanks for reading. Look for my review of Jack Reacher tomorrow. I need time to figure out a clever enough subtitle for such an epically mediocre movie. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Feel free to post comments here on this movie or my review. Off topic questions or suggestions can be sent to [email protected]. Happy New Year, and I’ll talk to you soon.
Dave
P.S. Look for my 2012 movie recap coming soon. Still looking for a clever name for my awards. So far all I have is “Nerdies” and I think that blows. Any suggestions will be seriously considered.
Goodbye Larry Hagman
I was saddened to learn this morning about the passing of Larry Hagman, the man behind Dallas. I wasn’t much of a fan of the show, but my mother loved it and I suspect had a thing for JR Ewing. However, I was a big fan of I Dream of Jeannie (I have long had a secret desire to have a hot Genie in a bottle) and enjoyed him a lot there. His filmography is truly impressive. I also really liked him in Mother, Juggs, and Speed (If you ever think you really don’t know what the 70’s were about watch this movie), the Streets of San Francisco, and I really enjoyed him in Nip/Tuck.
For those of you who claim to be connoisseurs of bad movies, he also directed a film in 1972 called Beware! The Blog! This is a sequel the the Blog and looks horribly good if you know what I mean. I have already suggested it to the guy who does my groups bad movie night as a tribute to the passing of a great actor.
Anyway, I am very sorry to see him go. From what I have heard he had a pretty good sense of humor, and that is something I always enjoy in a celebrity. (the image I got from the TV show t shirt category, by the way. I think it apropos).
Dave
Some thoughts on 30 Rock
So I finished season 2 of the Walking Dead and (of course) loved it. However, it was all around pretty grim and depressing so I figured after all that zombie stuff I could used some lighter fare and went with season 6 of 30 Rock. I have always enjoyed it. For me the measure of a good comedy is one wherein none of the main characters bug me, and 30 Rock manages to pull that off nicely. I am particularly a fan of Kenneth. I think he rules.
The thing I just noticed, however, is unlike a series like the Walking Dead I really can’t sit down and watch more than two shows in a row. If it’s zombies I can sit at my painting table and run six episodes in a row, but with 30 Rock I am full up after two. Maybe there is a limit to how much sophisticated, clever NY humor I can handle. I always noticed the same thing with Seinfeld, although not so much with Friends. Of course, whenever I got bored with the humor on Friends I could occupy my attention with just looking at any of the three women.
I’m trying to figure out if this indicates some kind of low brow mentality on my part. It possibly could. I will admit I laugh like a maniac whenever I see someone get punched in the testicles. On the other hand most fart or excrement humor really turns me off. It can be funny, but only if done in the right way.
Anyway, it is a bit of a conundrum. Sorry I don’t have a lot else to write about. I have a lot going on right now and my time is really taken up. I will try to see some movies this weekend and write up some good reviews. By the way, the Tracy image I pulled from the TV show t shirt category. We have a bunch of 30 Rock on there.
Dave
Premium Rush Review
Worth watching, but not worth rushing out to see.
Before I get into this review I want to make one thing absolutely clear: I, like any sane, rational human who lives in an urban are infested by hipsters, have a burning hatred of fixies that goes far beyond the pale. I actually like bikes and bicyclists and have one of my own (collecting dust with a flat, but at least I own one). I have always enjoyed watching BMX and trial bikes. However, I have found fixie riders to be to hipsters what hipster are to non D-bag people. (Portlandia image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirt category)
I mention this because the main character in this story is a fixie bike messenger, and I want to distance myself from his inclinations before I admit I actually like his character a lot (in spite of his very wrong mechanical affinity). I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. The action, while less inclined to follow the more traditional action hero formula, was exciting. The bike stunts and scenes were extremely well done and well shot. The main character Wiley (Joseph Gordon-Levitt-50/50, Inception, the Dark Knight Rises) was interesting, fun, and well portrayed. The supporting girls were reasonably good and both pretty hot (especially Jamie Chung (the Hangover Part 2, Sucker Punch, Grown Ups) who gets my vote as the hottest Asian alive right now). Most importantly the story made sense and didn’t have any massive plot holes or lack of motivation to bug the hell out of me. Everyone had a reason for doing what they were doing and at no point did it really stretch those motivation beyond what seemed reasonable.
All that being said, the film definitely had its issues. The story, while believable, was delivered in the most clunky and awkward manner possible. Flashbacks done well can be cool, but flashbacks done badly (especially done with a clock showing where you are Vantage Point style) feels like you cut your movie into 10 minute chunks and shot them out of a shotgun at a wall. Most of the characters besides Wiley were tertiary and insubstantial, and the villain (Michael Shannon-Vanilla Sky, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II) shifted gears radically from comedy relief to terrifying rage monster back and forth so often you find yourself wondering if his role was originally supposed to be two characters. The dialog was not great either, and I’m pretty sure they lifted a big part of the ending from the book Snow Crash.
The story. Honestly watch any “everyone wants the message kill the messenger” movie like the Transporter and you will have it. This one does not get props for originality. Wiley is a bike messenger in the Big Apple who rides a fixie and refuses to have a brake on his bike. He graduated from Columbia Law but has yet to take the bar mainly due to his love of riding. His last run of the day gets lifted by his biggest competitor (Wolé Parks-Taking Chance, As the World Turns, Undressed) who is also after his girlfriend (Dania Ramirez-X Men First Class, American Reunion, 25th Hour). He gets a last minute delivery from someone who turns out to be the roommate of his girlfriend Tita (Jamie Chung). Of course the delivery is very valuable and some Chinese gangsters recruit corrupt NYPD detective Monday (Michael Shannon) to track it down. At that point it is a chase movie. Wiley gets does the smart thing and goes to the police first and then tries to bail on the delivery only to be convinced of the morality of making it happen. Bikes get raced. Messengers get hit by cars (no spoiler there. You see it in the first 2 minutes).
The stars. Story made convoluted sense and didn’t bug me. Two stars. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was quite good. One star. The bike chase and stunt scenes were very well done and hand me totally engaged. Two stars. Jamie Chung should be in every movie made ever. One star. Michael Shannon in his comedy avatar was fun and engaging. One star. Overall a fun movie. One star. Total: eight stars.
The black holes. The disjointed story telling really tended to pull the audience out of the theater. One black hole. Most of the supporting characters didn’t add a lot of depth to the film. One black hole. The whole film was fairly derivative, and the ending both borrowed and out of place. One black hole. The Michal Shannon violent sociopath avatar felt really out of character. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
A grand total of four stars. Not bad at all. Worth seeing, and worth seeing in a theater. Date movie? Sure, why not? The action is good without being really gun or fist violence, there is a romance, and some family value stuff. Just know that between Joseph and Wolé you have two hot guys with avid bicyclist bodies on the screen, so expect to suffer a little in comparison. Bathroom break? The convoluted nature of this story deliver means missing the wrong moment can leave you lost when you get back. I would say that when you see an old Asian woman in China with a little boy towards the last 1/3rd of the film you have about 1-2 minutes of dead time to make a run for it. Not a lot happening in that scene you won’t have already figured out from earlier or will understand by the end of it.
Thanks for reading. More movies coming out so I will try to see something tonight or tomorrow. I am watching all the Star Trek episodes at home and once that is done will start up on TNG. Since I have never watched that series in order or in it’s entirety I might start doing short recaps and impressions a few episodes per post. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Post any comments on this movie or review here, and if you have any off topic questions or suggestions email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
