A Nerds-eye view of Venice, Italy Day 6-7
The good, the bad, and the nerdy.
Sorry I didn’t post day 6 yesterday, but the “business” hotel I was staying at was under the impression that a functioning internet connection is something business people really don’t need. (By the way, my company saw fit to give me a major award. I don’t want to brag, but the words “of the Year” were part of it, as was a nice cash bonus that I blew on an Italian watch that I don’t need)
My life in Venice has evolved nicely. I still get lost, but now know enough to get unlost with a minimum of effort. I have had a couple of complete conversations in Italian (as long as ordering a single scoop of mint (menta) gelato on a cone (cona) counts as a conversation. Incidentally, I think I have eaten my body weight in gelato), can ride both the train (ferravia) and water bus (vaporetti) reasonably confident I will arrive within a reasonable distance of my destination, and have taken about 200 photos with my iPhone. I will post them up on Facebook so if you want to see be sure to friend me.
I will say I have discovered the difference for me between good days and bad days in Venice, and they all involved having something specific to do. Yesterday our business group was given a scavenger hunt to do with things to do and see and I was off like a racehorse, running from one side of the town to another (I skipped all the ones on the list that seemed outside of my skill set (Kiss an Italian girl) or potentially disease ridden (swim in the Grand Canal, see how many pidgins you can get to perch on you) and therefore lost to a guy in our groups who is a known creep with balls of steel who will talk to any girl for any reason and has no fear (apparently) of tuberculous. However, I had a freaking blast.
Today, however, I was on my own kind of wandering around and found myself subject to the pity pot as I looked all all the beautiful girls I seemed incapable of talking to. I can tell you that my lack of skills in “picking up” girls or even just talking to them is not at all improved when I lack a common language or cultural basis. I can also tell you that when I do finally conquer the world any guy I perceive as being a “ladies man” is going to be sweeping out the inside of a nuclear reactor in blue jeans toot sweet.
Bottom line, I need goals to keep me from dwelling on my miserable loneliness (now that I think about it, that’s pretty much how I keep from driving off the Bay Bridge back home). From now on I plan to have something specific to do each day.
I thought since I am mostly done with the trip and only have two days left I would talk about some of the things I have seen that are amazing, some of the things that seem to suck, and what I see as the nerd influence on this country.
The Good:
The Toilets: I had never imagined that the toilet technology could be so far advanced over the pathetic excuses for plumbing we used back in the USA, but it is true. Each toilet has two buttons on it for flushing. The small one is pretty much for a number one and will eliminate any liquid waste in the bowl efficiently. 
The large button is for number 2 and will eliminate anything in the bathroom that is not securely fastened down. I swear it’s like blowing open an airlock door (“Open the pod bay doors, Hal”. 2001 image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category). Your ears will pop from the decompression.
They also have pay bathrooms over here. They cost between 1 and 1.5 Euros. This might sound annoying, but the bathrooms are absolutely spotlessly clean. I swear I would pay a buck each time to use a bathroom that clean in my own apartment.
The Girls: as much as these girls pain me due to my inability to talk to them (I blame my father) there are some of the most gorgeous girls you would ever hope to see. If you have any kind of game at all get your ass on a plane. Just don’t tell me of your success.
The Euro: I have gotten to be a big fan of the 1 and 2 Euro coin. It is super handy. Makes me sad that the gold dollar never took off in the USA, but you know how it goes over there. Most of the ignorant masses can’t wrap their heads around gay marriage, so imagine how their brains must fail when faced with a new coin to figure out.
The Food: obviously. Of course, any ethnic food you eat that is not Italian will have a definite Italian flavor.
The Public Transit: do any of you regular readers remember me bitching about how much BART sucks from a few days ago? Well, the Italians have public transit wired. Easily accessible, efficient (ish), and generally clean.
The Art and Architecture: if you get out here see some churches and museums. Well worth your time.
The Bad:
The Euro: I’m finding money awfully easy to spend over here, and that has to do with the fact that the Euro might look like a dollar but really it’s currently $1.30. That means when I buy a 20 oz (0.5 liter) bottle of soda that costs $1.79 at the gas station down the street back home for 2.50 Euros (by the way, if anyone knows how to make a Euro symbol on an American keyboard hit me up) you are really spending $3.25 or so.
The Technology: while they do have some cool stuff we don’t really use back in USA, most of their technology seems about five years behind the curve. The best internet you can hope for is a WiFi that seems more like dialup, and a lot of people are still using flip phones.
The T-Shirts: I have been looking for cool shirts to bring home with me, but my god are they all awful. They seem to alternate between retro-horrible and just plain dumb. Makes me think about opening a t-shirt shop here just to show these poor people what cool shirts look like. Not only are the shirt dumb, but they are using the most basic and lame printing techniques ever. Ironically, all the shirt blanks are amazing quality, although be prepared to upsize as the XL definitely fits like a L. Also, every t-shirt stand or shop has the exact same shirts as their neighbor.
The Media: Pop music sucks when done competently. Here it all sounds like the dumped a dozen pop singers into a cement mixer, filled it with helium and broken glass, and let it run for a couple hours. The TV is not much better, unless you are into soccer (football). It seems to most closely resemble Mexicali.
The Night Life: Maybe it’s just me (actually it’s probably more than just maybe) but I can’t seem to find any kind of night life here beyond eating dinner and drinking wine. I have yet to find a coffee house, club, or bar that has more than six people in it (in fact, for some reason I can’t find a coffee house to save my life. I swear I would be there now if it existed). Most of the bars are just that: a bar with no seating and no big clientele. I’m guessing that Venice is such a city for couples that they don’t feel the need to help single losers hook up. Either that or I have somehow missed the entire “fun” district.
The Nerdy:
I can honestly say I think Italy is a county populated entirely by nerds. I’m sure they have their “cool kids” but everyone I see looks and acts like a non English speaking American nerd. They are into weird stuff, wear dorky clothes, and rarely look like they spend a lot of time in the gym. Of course, I don’t know a true nerd who isn’t up until 1am and most of this city seems to be in bed by 10:30pm, but still, if you want to feel kind of cool you can’t go wrong here.
I did check out the local Games Workshop and a few comic book shops around town, but honestly for the most part the customers there looked a lot like the customers I saw in any other shop.
By the way girls here are less inclined to get contacts or laser eye surgery so if you are into the girl librarian nerd you don’t have to look far. Very nice (and frustrating for me).
Thanks for reading. Long post but I had a lot to say. I think I am taking a train ride to Florence tomorrow. More on that soon. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments about this post or Italy feel free to throw them up here, or if you have specific questions or suggestions that are off topic email me at [email protected]. Thanks again. Talk to you soon.
Dave
